Arrogant men
You have no choice but to share an office space with them, listen to their loud voices and them constantly changing the subject anyone else in the room is discussing to be about something they are an ‘expert’ on. Despite all this, you remain friendly, attentive and helpful at all times. Then with one swipe of their acid tongue they put you down in front of everyone else you work with leaving you feeling like you’re drowning without a life raft.
I personally think men like this have real personal issues they are so desperate to hide, they overcompensate by being overly superior, wanting everyone they deem ‘important’ to think well of them.
I’m getting a little tired of being disrespected and treated rudely by this idiosyncratic arrogant snob who obviously thinks I’m not worth the dirt under his fingernails. No more will I listen to his stories and laugh in the appropriate places, bolstering his already gargantuan ego.
No more. I will not make small talk or engage in conversation with someone who has made it abundantly clear today that I’m just not in his social class. Well, for your information Mr I think I’m a blue blood Italian even though I was born in the UK and have never ever lived in Italy, I wouldn’t want to be part of any social class that involved you or your kind!!
There, got that off my chest…. feeling much better :)
One Bonfire Night I won’t forget in a hurry
Big sigh of relief…. for now. Spent most of the day at the hospital as my very brave mum had a mastectomy this morning for breast cancer. I only found out about it 10 days ago when she asked me to go with her for the results of a biopsy. Apparently, she’d known about it for a month, but hadn’t said anything because she didn’t want to worry me. As a result I went with her completely unprepared to hear what the doctor had to tell her.
Thankfully they managed to get her in for the operation very quickly so neither of us has had too much time to fret about it. She’s been so strong and calm so far and I’m in bits. She keeps saying that at 73 years of age she’s had a good life and she won’t miss losing anything cosmetic at her age. But she’s my mum and I love her just the way she is, selfish perhaps, but I don’t want changes.
Anyway, operation went without complication. So off to hospital now to see how she is feeling.
Misconstrued
Sometimes I am completely unable to stop myself from saying something without actually thinking about the effect my words could have on others. It is a failing that I often mentally punish myself for much more than the recipient possibly would do if they were given the opportunity.
Long story short, I need to learn to keep my opinions to myself more often than not. Nothing wrong with having them, it’s the voicing of them that often seems to be the cause of so much anxiety. If only hindsight were a virtue of mine, I’d already have stopped myself. Sorry never really seems to cut it in these situations and I dislike apologising for something that was never meant to cause offence. Half of me just doesn’t care, the other half hopes that no-one thinks badly of me. Does that make me a schizo? Probably not because if I were really mad, I probably wouldn’t be wondering.
Lovely day for walking
Had a great time walking Lucy the dog up to Dinas Bran Castle today. She practically dragged me up there in record time. I collapsed in a heap to get my breath at the top whilst she sniffed around eating sheep poop. Sometimes she is really gross :)
Feeling great cos I had a fab time on Friday evening, got a bit stressed at dog training (so much barking by the other pooches) and then met my friend Michelle at Flexys Club where they were having a charity rock night. Ended up drinking 6 g&t’s in 3 hours and danced to nearly every song of the last band After Dark - did some Beatles covers, Oasis, Thin Lizzy, Kinks, Status Quo. It was great.
Also, managed to get tickets for Me and Mitch to go and see James Blunt in the Apollo Manchester for 23 February. Circle Balcony Row GG so not too far away from the singing sensation that he is. Just seen this on Yahoo - makes interesting reading.
Day’s like these
As this is my first evening off in about 5 days of rehearsals, and as this week in work has just been about as busy and stressful as it can get, I was rather pleasantly surprised at how calm and relaxed I am feeling this evening. I think that finishing work at 3.00pm is starting to pay off. Either that, or having Lucy the dog following me around with her tail constantly wagging is filling the gap that was missing in my little world. Who knows?
I certainly shouldn’t feel this relaxed so close to a performance, particularly as I know we have to work a little harder on the dancing. But somehow I just know that I am going to enjoy myself and entertain all those people who matter to me. As they say in show business, no-one will notice you going wrong if you’re shoulders are back and you’re wearing a smile (as one artistic director told me once “I want to see those teeth & tits!” :)
Summer Bank Holiday weekend
Really can’t believe how quick this summer break has flown. Also, very glad I decided to take my main leave at the end of it… no work now until Friday. All I need now is a late summer heatwave to descend so I can enjoy at least one fine day on a Welsh beach with Lucy our new dog.
She’s really settled in now - peeing and pooing outside like a good’un. She wags her tail everytime she looks in my direction and greets me when I come home like I’m the most precious thing in her day (how I’ve missed being loved that much!). Sadly, she’s gone all stubborn when it comes to her walkies. She loves going in the car and I suspect she thinks that if I’m going to drive her around like a chauffeur, then she doesn’t see why she has to walk anywhere ever again. Roll on mid-September when I start the dog obedience classes. She’s literally snoring in her cage behind me as I type this!
I’ve made a decision that I’m not going to let work get me down next term - I have reduced my hours and from 6 Sept I will only be working 30 hours a week (6 a day - 8am to 3pm with an hour’s lunch). Life is for living and spending with people you love, admire and cherish, improving your knowledge, aspirations and achievements. I don’t want to wake up every morning, going to work and wishing I were somewhere else. So this is a partial compromise, I get to spend a bit more of my day with those I really care about, those who really care about me, before the time I have with them runs out.
It’s the first time in about 10 years I’ve felt this positive about myself, my family life and friendships. All of a sudden, what I do to earn a living doesn’t seem as important. I’m happy…. there I said it and it didn’t hurt. xx<3xx
Our first night with Lucy as officially our dog forever. She is truly adorable, very affectionate, and playful. Having been a cat person, I wasn’t sure at first, but now I know that Lucy is the best new companion for Amy and for me. She is in her crate now sleeping, although she has dragged one of my best cushions in there with her! And yes, I have already cleaned up a massive poo mound from the carpet in the computer room. But she’s still worth it :D
Dog of a weekend
Friday: Rob & Amy collected Lucy for a short weekend stay with us yesterday afternoon - to break us in as it were. So far she’s been walked around the garden 5 times and yet has decided to do her business in her cage.
Never has a steaming poo been so smelly!
Saturday: I woke at 6.30am to take Lucy out to do her do. Got soaked and she basically just sniffed everything and didn’t pee or poo. Brought her back in the house and she made a real fuss of Amy who is 13 today. Then proceeded to pee in her cage and poo on my best rug. Already exhausted from cleaning up her mess which is starting to be a real drag and it’s only day 2.
Found a phone number for a dog trainer in Weston Rhyn nr Oswestry with an obedience class on a Saturday and Sunday. Waiting for 9.00am to give her a call.
Keep hoping this can only get easier.
Ugly day
I’m not sure if it’s the fact that I’ve had a sober weekend so far, no alcoholic beverage within a mile of the house, so I’m seeing myself at the weekend for the first time a while with a clear head… but I think I look like shit. My hair is just so wrong, hideous length to style, colour bland with the odd white strandly b*st*rd near the roots determined to piss me off. My attempt to put on some make-up today turned into a battle of just which eyeliner and mascara was going to make me look least like a clown and frankly was glad for the sun so I could keep my sunglasses on as much as possible. I can’t even begin to imagine looking at myself naked in a mirror anymore. Sometimes I wonder what Rob sees in me. Sometimes I hope he doesn’t even look in case he doesn’t like what he sees. Yes… no doubt about it, an ugly day indeed.
The interview
Somehow I seem to have got myself shortlisted for a job I kind of applied for out of sheer desperation after a particularly frustrating couple of weeks at work. The job itself I could do on my head - Medical Secretary - been there, done the shorthand and the audio-typing… Yes the thought of working alongside doctors again is appealing, but the days of being teased by a young SHO who thinks he’s gods gift to medicine are past interesting. Nevertheless, I shall spruce myself up tomorrow afternoon, practice my answers to all the usual expected questions.
The main question is, do I really want to do this job? Answer = Until I get there and meet them and ask a few questions of my own, I don’t really know.
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